by Ann Lloyd, Ph.D.
My sister is 5’ 9” – tall and thin. My mother is 5’ 8”; my father, 5’ 11”. Unfortunately, I stopped growing in 8th grade. It’s not that I’m short, it’s just, I thought I’d be taller. Granted, I also thought I’d be an Olympic gymnast, but that’s beside the point. As a child, I’d planned to marry Prince Charming and live in the castle. My dark-haired, brown-eyed prince would raise our six children (three boys, three girls), while I worked. I would be tall, of course, and thin. I was to be graceful, well-educated, and fabulously dressed at all times. It goes without saying that we would live happily ever after.
In 1986, I graduated from college. I met my dark-haired prince and married him that same year. Our castle, however, had a few problems. For starters, it closely resembled a two-bedroom apartment in Jersey. I had three children in four years, and wasn’t able to have any more. In addition, my prince gave no indication that he wanted to stay home to raise them. My beautiful gowns are nightgowns, and the ultimate blow? I really thought I’d be taller.
Women don’t grow up dreaming of housework. My castle, in fact, was spotless. Not because I had a maid; on the contrary, housework simply didn’t exist. Likewise, many of us dream of children, but deny the reality of diapers, noise, illness, and insomnia. In fact, perhaps the hardest aspect of homeschooling, or staying home with children in general, is letting go of what you thought your life would be. Not that we, as women, should give up our dreams. Certainly, we can make them reality. But we cannot live out every childhood fantasy. There will always be housework, homework and hassles. Children require sacrifice. And in the presence of a screaming toddler, there is little room for fantasy.
To be happy as a homeschooler, we must accept, and learn to enjoy, the realities of a homeschooling life. Homeschooling is admirable. The rewards are great. But the process is far from glamorous. The long hours, low budgets, and endless overtime would rile any teacher’s union. Often we must work for days with little sleep, support, or recognition. Yet, as adults, we are inevitably called to do things that we’d rather not. Things that aren’t easy. Things we don’t enjoy. But the truth is, you don’t have to love every aspect of homeschooling to be a successful homeschooler. It’s OK to get frustrated. It’s OK if you occasionally feel like giving up. It doesn’t mean that you’re a failure. It doesn’t mean that you are a bad wife, mother, or Christian.
The truth is, homeschooling, like dieting or exercising, is not always fun. In fact, it can be downright difficult. Being responsible for every aspect of your child’s care and education is a daunting task. There will always be days when nothing goes right. The days when you wake up late, the children are cranky, and the dog throws up on the rug. Clearly, the routine of a homeschooling mother is often a far cry from the glamorous life most women envision for themselves. It is far from picture perfect.
Too often as homeschoolers, we allow ourselves to falsely believe that others are achieving an ideal that we can only dream of. We know their houses are clean; their children gifted and well behaved at all times. We look at our neighbors with children in school and cannot help but wonder what this life of leisure would be like. Even the most dedicated homeschooling veterans will occasionally question God’s wisdom. As the saying goes “I know the Lord would never give me more than I can handle, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.”
But before you run off to put your children in school, take a moment to examine the results of your efforts. Look closely at the product, not just the process of homeschooling. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t like grading papers, hunting for workbooks, or cleaning up projects, but I love what homeschooling has done for my children. I love my relationship with them, and their relationships with each other. When I see my children stop to help, to teach, or to console each other, I love homeschooling. When I see them reading or diving into a project, I know that my efforts have been worthwhile.
As mothers — and particularly homeschooling mothers — we tend to put our children first. Let’s face it: Homeschooling requires sacrifice. We give up our time, our freedom, and, to a large extent, our own career desires. While our peers are off working, shopping, or meeting for lunch, we are home, taking care of our children. They attend aerobics; we chase toddlers. They hunt for the perfect outfit; we hunt for lost shoes. In many ways such sacrifice simply goes with the territory.
Remember, it is the product, not the process that counts. Let go of the television fantasy of marriage and motherhood. Let go of the perfect picture, because try as we might, none of us will ever be taller. AL
